Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The difference with dating a black man is...

When I was growing up, I never looked at black boys... Why? Because growing up in my small town, I either grew up with them and knew them too well, or there was a big chance we'd be related, so naturally, I always opted for the 'White boy option'...

My dad is a white man and my mum was Aboriginal. Without touching on the intimacies of their relationship, I will just say that it wasn't all roses... My dad is a scotsman hailing from Mary Hill in Glasgow Scotland, migrating to Australia when he was 18 years old. He has gypsy blood, having traveled around Australia more than once and overseas in his younger days. He's opinionated but he's also very placid at times.

My black Aboriginal mother on the other hand was a firey, opinionated, loud, black woman. She had no problem telling the average person exactly what she thought about them or a topic, her temper was short and her wit was quick and fierce, she could cut down fully grown men with her smart come backs and this would often play out in our house hold when it came to her and my father. 

I grew up with my mothers side, my Aboriginal side, so I don't really identify strongly with my scotish side as much as I do with my Aboriginal side, naturally due to growing up around all of my black family, therefore I refer to myself more as a black woman than a white girl (not that I deny my white side, I just identify stronger with my black side).

I remember my mother telling me as a teenager about men. I remember her telling me black men let her down and that they will probably let me down too and she hasn't been wrong there. I remember her and my fathers arguments and the burn she had felt from the black men in her previous relationships before her relationship with my father.

I often wondered why my mum and dad chose each other and why they chose to stay connected as they fought a lot. My dad would often say something or do something, or my mum would say and do something and wouldn't get the reaction she thought from my father so they would fight. Either way it would end with my father often walking away while my mother would blow up in a fit of absolute anger. Beyond the fighting, they seemed to know each others strengths and weaknesses but overall, my mothers dominating personality over ruled and often my father's only choice was to just get out of the house and be away from my mum when she would go off. Basically, he would never win an argument with my mother, and why is that? BLACK WOMAN TEMPTER OVER RULES. Underneath it all though, they had love for each other.

I moved to Townsville in North Queensland when I was 17 years old straight after graduating year 12. I had a couple if white boyfriends when I was at high school, silly school crushes but nothing serious. I remember turning 18 and going out clubbing in the ville with my friends and all of a sudden, I was getting attention from men, black men. This had never happened to me before growing up in the town that I did. At first I didn't know how to handle this new found attention. I would have girlfriends telling me that someone they knew was interested in me or wanting my number etc. I didn't know how to talk to men in that capacity, because I was shy and never thought I was the type of woman for anyone. I was a tom boy and lacked self esteem.

With age I started to grow confidence and started to talk back to these black men and noticed a huge difference that I could do with them that I couldn't do with the white boys I had previously dated, and that was be myself 100%...

See the misconception that occurs with white and black men is that it's not about who's better in the sack, (that's a myth) but for me, what I find was that it's about who I can talk to and be myself around 100%, no boundaries. It's about me as a black woman being able to say the black things I say in my every day vocab (like gammin, up ya, chooch, good go, not even la, which way etc) and having a man understand me from the get go without getting a weird look and having to explain what the words or sayings mean. Culture is a huge part of my life, it's who I am and to have someone understand that and my ways from the get go is why black men have the advantage when dating me.

There is a level of comfortability I get with a black men that unfortunately white men won't ever fully give me. I know if I bring a black man home, he is gonna understand my family commitments just as I will understand his. He will understand my black woman temper, just as I understand his short black man fuse. He will understand my cultural knowledge and commitment and I will understand his. He will know that I will have an opinion on a topic or politics and he will probably think the same and will let me have my say.

I am a lot like my mother, I have a short fuse, quick wit and sarcasm. I'm not a girly girl as I grew up with a lot of my brother boys. As black women, we are brought up to be loyal to our black brother boys, our uncles and our community. I was brought up to know that behind every black man, there is a strong black woman who is there to support him and guide him.

I have dated black men for years now, often going back to white boys when I've had enough of the heart break from black men. Even though black men in today's society seem to have a lot of commitment issues and continuously seem to break my heart, (fact lol) I am always drawn back to them as I know, they are the only ones who could probably ever handle me and my ways.

In saying that, white men are fun. They are nice, they are often polite, will pay for things and aren't afraid to tell you how they feel emotionally when they need too. They on the other hand have no idea how to handle a black womans ways, especially when she's mad. The positive thing I find with white boys is their commitment to trying. If they argue with you, they will try their best to sort it out and won't ever push you to you're absolute limits like a black man will, but that's both a blessing and a curse because on the one hand, I like the no drama that white men can give you, but then I also like to be challenged and hate being able to put it over someone. I am a dominating personality and the only men that have ever been able to challenge me and bring out the best and worst in me is black men.

Love has no colour though, I can admit that, but as I am growing older, I am all about knowing what I want and don't want in a partner. Above everything, when I am involved with a man and want to get serious about him, I ask myself these vital questions:

-  'If I bring this man home to my family, what will his reaction be like if I cook bully beef and rice up for him'? 'Will he know what it is? Will he love it or hate it?

- Can I say the word gammin around him without having to explain what I'm talking about?

- What will his reaction be when one day I lose something and fly off the handle like I usually do in that situation; will he freak out on my black woman temper?

These basic questions will determine what kind of man I will have in the future, if any... Of course I'd hope that there would be more to it than that, but I am who I am and these questions are the basics to me being myself 100% around a member of the opposite sex, whether he be black or white.

At the end of the day, I feel more comfortable around those who are from a similar background as me. I am appreciating black men in my older age, but I'm working out more and more what it is I want out of a relationship from the men that come in and out of my life, whatever colour they may be.

Dating a black woman/black man should come with some type of hand book, with the rules and regulations of black woman and black men because I believe there are huge differences culturally when it comes to dating someone of Indigenous race. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what colour the person you're dating is, but just a heads up, if you're thinking of dating a black woman/man, you're gonna need to know the basics and why we are the way we are. Tempers and firey personalities and all... And lastly, good luck with that, you're in for an emotional ride ;)

Until next time... Staying single till i know it's real ;)

One love, one life

Cee x