I consider myself to be a successful woman working two jobs, one in education working along side our indigenous youth, and another on camera as a field reporter for a national Television show... I raise a 15yr old teenager by myself and have done for the past two years. I'm don't make a million dollars every week, but I'm able to pay the rent and get by quite comfortably. Some of my career goals include gaining more experience in the media sector, working and saving up some money so that one day I can own a BMW to park in the garage of my own home. Although I have been known to blow some cash on unnecessary objects, I don't consider myself to be materialistic. I am however an independent confident woman who knows what she wants out of life and relationships, but yet I'm single? (In all fairness, I like men who are hotcakes and refuse to settle with an average dude just cause he's sweet to me, but that's me) but this trend of single successful women in our society has got me thinking.
I'm writing this blog today based on not only my own personal experiences but on those of a lot of my friends; the beautiful, independent, confident, hard working single woman, the woman who have everything going for them in life but are unable to keep a man...
It seems like every woman I talk to is single and can't seem to find that one dude who matches up with what she wants. I'm talking about the woman who is on market, she's dating and has a few dudes on her text line but a real man, a man she wants equally, a man who gives her butterfly's and makes her feel like a real woman is the man who plays games and doesn't want her in return...
I look at all these woman; they are lawyers, teachers, aged care workers, youth workers, travel agents, university students, the list goes on, but yet they are still single and are constantly telling me that they can't meet a decent guy.
These women aren't ugly or untouchable, in fact, they can get a million guys to text them or call them and take them out, but when it's the dude they want and invest time in to, they rarely get a call back or a look in, why is that?
Social media is a huge part of the dating world today and with that comes options, the option to choose another guy to talk to or for him to choose another woman, but what I'm saying is, what is it that these single woman DON'T have that men hold off on wanting as their own?
What can't a successful, pretty, independent woman offer a man? Are the men of today just becoming spoilt for choice, and even then, why do these men choose dramatic bitches over WOMEN, REAL WOMEN? You know what I'm talking about, the guys who chose their crazy ex girlfriend, or their baby momma who takes all their money or the chick with no job. Do these men have a problem with woman who are on equal par to them or aren't afraid to match it with their man in life? Why wouldn't a man want a woman who has minimal drama? You'd think that would be the case but it literally isn't... Right now so many independent woman are going to waste or are being replaced by a bitch that isn't even on her level...
Don't get me wrong, there are men out there who love them an independent woman but at the same time have a problem with her independence. See men like an independent woman but not too independent that they will become an accessory not a necessity to her. Men like to be able to 'provide for their woman' and if us woman don't allow men to do that for us, some men see it as the woman taking away his role as a 'real man', and therefore the woman doesn't need him and he bounces because of it.
On the flip side you then have the men who love independent woman and will rely on them for money and go out of their way to avoid paying for anything out of any cost. I've had the experience with both types of men and I've only recently learnt to let a man pay for things, even though I always offer.
Us black women in particular are funny. A lot of us are brought up to be strong black woman, complete with attitude and gratitude, that's why we're often a good mix of laid back and fiery, but we're also loyal as hell (well most of us), we got it from our mommas! See the thing about a real woman is, when you've got us interested and when we're in love with your ass, we'll treat you like a king, we'll cook for you, have your back no matter what even when you're wrong, we'll understand your family commitments, accept your children from previous relationships into our lives, we'll help you out when you need money and we'll put up with your crap because we're loyal to you and we love you, that's just what we do! I've done all of this and more, as have a lot of single women I know, but yet it's not good enough for a lot of men today?
Legit question, has a big black hole opened up into the ground and swallowed every half decent normal man or am I just on a planet with weird alien men who can't recognise a real woman when she's standing in front of him? For real? *crickets*
These women, the ones who are single, successful and independent, I keep repeating that fact because this day in age, our woman could not be anymore of a catch then ever before! What more do these women have to do in order for a dude to choose them? Do they have to have some kind of drama in their lives? Do they have to have a crazy psycho baby daddy always calling them? Do they have to be broke down and out with no goals to attract a dudes attention because as far as I know, these single women I know are all of sane mind and are perfectly dateable but yet not good enough for men in today's society! Baffling!
I'm not sure of the answers to any of these questions, perhaps they're best left up to the single men reading this blog of mine (again, *crickets*). I guess my message to these single women is, don't hold your breath on meeting the right dude anytime soon, let's be honest about it, the black hole got to them and majority are all gone... In the mean time, love yourself, enjoy your own company and that way you won't ever crave a man, you will only ever require one from time to time. As for the men who are sitting there saying 'whatever, we're out there, you're all just looking I'm the wrong place... Do me a favour, hit me up and take me out to dinner, show me some good conversation, call me back, hang out, get to know me beyond just the bedroom, make me laugh, date me and choose me and then I'll admit that I'm wrong ... Until then, my stance on this single game remains the same...
Until next time,
One love, one life