Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Saturday, October 19, 2013

The un dateable successful woman...

I consider myself to be a successful woman working two jobs, one in education working along side our indigenous youth, and another on camera as a field reporter for a national Television show... I raise a 15yr old teenager by myself and have done for the past two years. I'm don't make a million dollars every week, but I'm able to pay the rent and get by quite comfortably. Some of my career goals include gaining more experience in the media sector, working and saving up some money so that one day I can own a BMW to park in the garage of my own home. Although I have been known to blow some cash on unnecessary objects, I don't consider myself to be materialistic. I am however an independent confident woman who knows what she wants out of life and relationships, but yet I'm single? (In all fairness, I like men who are hotcakes and refuse to settle with an average dude just cause he's sweet to me, but that's me) but this trend of single successful women in our society has got me thinking. 

I'm writing this blog today based on not only my own personal experiences but on those of a lot of my friends; the beautiful, independent, confident, hard working single woman, the woman who have everything going for them in life but are unable to keep a man... 

It seems like every woman I talk to is single and can't seem to find that one dude who matches up with what she wants. I'm talking about the woman who is on market, she's dating and has a few dudes on her text line but a real man, a man she wants equally, a man who gives her butterfly's and makes her feel like a real woman is the man who plays games and doesn't want her in return... 

I look at all these woman; they are lawyers, teachers, aged care workers, youth workers, travel agents, university students, the list goes on, but yet they are still single and are constantly telling me that they can't meet a decent guy.

These women aren't ugly or untouchable, in fact, they can get a million guys to text them or call them and take them out, but when it's the dude they want and invest time in to, they rarely get a call back or a look in, why is that? 

Social media is a huge part of the dating world today and with that comes options, the option to choose another guy to talk to or for him to choose another woman, but what I'm saying is, what is it that these single woman DON'T have that men hold off on wanting as their own?

What can't a successful, pretty, independent woman offer a man? Are the men of today just becoming spoilt for choice, and even then, why do these men choose dramatic bitches over WOMEN, REAL WOMEN? You know what I'm talking about, the guys who chose their crazy ex girlfriend, or their baby momma who takes all their money or the chick with no job. Do these men have a problem with woman who are on equal par to them or aren't afraid to match it with their man in life? Why wouldn't a man want a woman who has minimal drama? You'd think that would be the case but it literally isn't... Right now so many independent woman are going to waste or are being replaced by a bitch that isn't even on her level...

Don't get me wrong, there are men out there who love them an independent  woman but at the same time have a problem with her independence. See men like an independent woman but not too independent that they will become an accessory not a necessity to her. Men like to be able to 'provide for their woman' and if us woman don't allow men to do that for us, some men see it as the woman taking away his role as a 'real man', and therefore the woman doesn't need him and he bounces because of it. 

On the flip side you then have the men who love independent woman and will rely on them for money and go out of their way to avoid paying for anything out of any cost. I've had the experience with both types of men and I've only recently learnt to let a man pay for things, even though I always offer. 


Us black women in particular are funny. A lot of us are brought up to be strong black woman, complete with attitude and gratitude, that's why we're often a good mix of laid back and fiery, but we're also loyal as hell (well most of us), we got it from our mommas! See the thing about a real woman is, when you've got us interested and when we're in love with your ass, we'll treat you like a king, we'll cook for you, have your back no matter what even when you're wrong, we'll understand your family commitments, accept your children from previous relationships into our lives, we'll help you out when you need money and we'll put up with your crap because we're loyal to you and we love you, that's just what we do! I've done all of this and more, as have a lot of single women I know, but yet it's not good enough for a lot of men today?

Legit question, has a big black hole opened up into the ground and swallowed every half decent normal man or am I just on a planet with weird alien men who can't recognise a real woman when she's standing in front of him? For real? *crickets*

These women, the ones who are single, successful and independent, I keep repeating that fact because this day in age, our woman could not be anymore of a catch then ever before! What more do these women have to do in order for a dude to choose them? Do they have to have some kind of drama in their lives? Do they have to have a crazy psycho baby daddy always calling them? Do they have to be broke down and out with no goals to attract a dudes attention because as far as I know, these single women I know are all of sane mind and are perfectly dateable but yet not good enough for men in today's society! Baffling! 

I'm not sure of the answers to any of these questions, perhaps they're best left up to the single men reading this blog of mine  (again, *crickets*). I guess my message to these single women is, don't hold your breath on meeting the right dude anytime soon, let's be honest about it, the black hole got to them and majority are all gone... In the mean time, love yourself, enjoy your own company and that way you won't ever crave a man, you will only ever require one from time to time. As for the men who are sitting there saying 'whatever, we're out there, you're all just looking I'm the wrong place... Do me a favour, hit me up and take me out to dinner, show me some good conversation, call me back, hang out, get to know me beyond just the bedroom, make me laugh, date me and choose me and then I'll admit that I'm wrong ... Until then, my stance on this single game remains the same... 

Until next time,

One love, one life

Cee xo 

Saturday, June 29, 2013

A change for the better... Back to school...


6 months ago, I was living in my home town, struggling to breath every day. Depression had a grip on me... I wasn’t growing, I was sitting still, like the town I was surrounded by... I had no vision, no idea how I would escape the place I was in, a place with no new beginnings, no hope and no real change... It all became too much and I made the decision to pack up my whole life, my brother’s life and move us to Brisbane to start new in January 2013... I said change was gone come and it truely is amazing to see what life has had in store for me up until now...


My sole purpose of moving to Brisbane was to work, to have purpose and feel needed in society again... I hadn’t worked full time in over a year due to living in North QLD with limited job opportunities so when I was offered the job as an Indigenous Liaison officer at a primary school on my second week of living in Brisbane, I jumped at the opportunity. It’s not my usual industry of media but it has changed me as a person. 

This month is 6 months since I’ve been living in Brisbane and my 5th month of working at a primary school. I have around 50 Indigenous kids that I look after. My job is to provide a service for the kids and their families and embed Indigenous culture throughout a school who has never had much involvement with Indigenous culture in the past. This hasn’t been easy. Although it has been a slow start, I have now implemented some changes into the school which I am proud of.. . The kids are all getting to know me now and it’s refreshing to walk into work and be loved... I love getting high fives and constantly hear ‘HI MISS WALLACE’ screamed at me from some small adult on a daily basis, it’s good to be needed... 

The principal of our school is lovely and has really embraced every idea I have had for the school for our kids and our families. She has located me a room within the school that is the Indigenous room, where all of the school can come and learn about different aspects of Indigenous culture, do activities and feel comfortable to ask questions about Indigenous people. A place for sharing. The room is opened up to the whole school on Monday-Wed for ‘Indigenous activity club’ for different ages where I will read the kids a story time book or let them do indigenous colouring in or jig saws. The response has been amazing and the kids are all so proud of coming to the club on a weekly basis. 



I am proud to also say that I organized for every teacher to partake in their first cross cultural training sessions for 3 weeks in a row, which gave them a better understanding of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander history and people and how it relates to them as teachers who are teaching our next generation of Indigenous kids. Some were more interested than others, some weren’t but the important thing was that they have an understanding and from that, know why I am at the school and why our kids need extra support. 

The thing about a job like mine is that it’s easy to make assumptions or to form stereotypes... ‘Why do the Aboriginal kids get support or need support’? It’s amazing to me that people still ask this question... This day in age, there is too much awareness around about closing the gap between my people and non Indigenous people, that there’s no excuse to be ignorant. I have been asked by several people about why I do the job I do, and it’s quite simple... If the Indigenous kids were up to speed and didn’t have a gap between them and the next child with their reading and writing and math, then I wouldn’t be needed at the school but these kids require one on one attention to improve their learning outcomes. If people don’t think that’s a priority and don’t think that its needed, then our society will suffer later in life when these kids slip through the high school system, drop out, be unemployed, commit crimes, make bad decisions and then die younger than the rest of Australia. Its a no brainer; if you educate kids while their young about their culture, about the importance of going to school and being able to read and write, they will at least have the chance to grow up to be a functioning member of society. 

Ive always been about breaking stereotypes. I never want to be put in a box of what people expect from me as an Indigenous person and the work I do, I do for a wage to pay the bills yeah, but I also do it because I was one of those kids who slipped through the school system, who struggled to read and write and didn’t always have the support of my parents to sit down and do home work etc. This work is personal for me... It doesn’t pay a lot and I’ve had higher paid jobs in the past, but it’s been one of the most rewarding that’s for sure. 

Segregation is not my thing. When I was going to school, there were often activities and events that only us Indigenous kids could do and that would prompt my non Indigenous class mates to ask questions or probe me about ‘why are you allowed to go to NAIDOC Lunch and we’re not’ etc.. It’s a fair call I suppose, and now working as a Liaison Officer, I want to open up those experiences for my whole school like the Indigenous activity club, for kids both black and white, for all teachers and communities members because the only way to break that ‘us against them’ is if you’re practical and willing to educated as a whole, instead of a group that can be taught... It’s a daily challenge but it’s one I believe I’m winning in so far. 

In saying all of that, I have recently started up a year 7 Indigenous yarning circle purely for my Indigenous year 7 kids. No other teachers are allowed to attend or students, just me and my year 7 Indigenous students... Why? Because the kids I am working with have little to no understanding of their culture. Basic things like the colour of our flags, what does the word Indigenous mean, what does the word Aboriginal mean, where does their mob come from etc? There are certain things that these kids need to hear strictly from an Indigenous person because our whole culture is based on an oral tradition. The stuff they learn in the yarning circle can’t be taught in a class room environment and taught by a non Indigenous person. This is black fulla stuff, stuff that affects them now, so therefore they need a blackfulla to teach them. Indigenous kids, no matter where they are from, unless they are nurtured and made to feel comfortable, they will not talk about their culture openly, that’s why for the early stages of yarning circle, it is a closed off event just for the Indigenous kids and for myself and no other teachers, so they are comfortable enough to share things about themselves that they never would have in the past, because quite frankly, no one ever bothered to ask them.

The yarning circle happens once a week, discussing various cultural topics like family history, Indigenous history, identity etc. . The first session was a bit rough and the kids didn’t know what to expect but they are now at the point where they are asking questions and are telling others what they are learning at the yarning circle and are feeling more confident to raise their hand and say ‘YES I AM INDIGENOUS’ when other kids question their identity. It’s about making them strong as individuals before they get to an age as teenagers and not knowing a thing and not having the confidence to engage in conversations later in life with other Indigenous people or non Indigenous people, therefore getting more and more lost in their identity.



On top of my yarning circle, Indigenous activity club, and liaising with parents and the community, I have also recently started a learning intervention program based on children’s reading level results etc. I would say almost the majority of my kids are below the average for literacy and numeracy. When they talk about closing the gap, this is it in every sense of the word. The intervention program focuses on each individual child and sorts out what they need to improve their learning outcomes. The intervention program has begun with year 1 Indigenous students with basic reading techniques on a daily basis. The second part of my day is sitting with my year 2 Indigenous students helping them in class with their math work. It’s been that long since I have sat in a classroom and learned about sums and how to sound out words, but it’s been a good learning curve and I have the help of a fantastic literacy coach who guides me through all the right techniques and helps me design the program we are running for our school. 

Life has been full on since I have been working and I am now back at the gym on top of my work and have now taken up a second job working back in Indigenous media, this time for television. It’s all very new and exciting but also very daunting to me that I am no longer behind a radio mic but now in front of a camera. It’s an opportunity and although I have literally no time left of my hands for anything else, I know it won’t last forever and I will just ride it out and see where it takes me. It feels good to be able to bring the nation stories of my people in a positive light. Media has been my number one passion since leaving school and I have worked hard to get where I am in the industry, but it’s no longer a priority for me after my mum passed away and my life changed after I took up raising my brother after she left us.It's merely opportunities when it comes along... I no longer rely on it or let it control my life like I did in the past, I guess I have just grown up. Media can be a little bit glamorous and a lot of people get caught up in the hype. I am privileged because the job I have at the primary school keeps me grounded when the media frenzy gets to me. I really am living a dream come true right now and I can’t wait to see what the future holds. 



I believe there’s a plan for everyone in life and we are all meant to be put on this planet to be the best human beings we can while we are here.  In those hard times, we must learn to trust and to have patience because everything will fall into place if you let it and ask for it.

I am grateful to have gone through some of the hardest times in my life in the past year and come out on the other side a lot stronger and willing to adapt and sacrifice to get where I want to be. My brother is succeeding and is growing into a responsible young man with goals and aspirations and I believe the decision I have made to move us away from our families and our friends is slowly paying off and will be better for our futures in the long run... After a year of existing, I am finally LIVING... Feeling blessed....


Until next time,

One Love, One Life

xoxo

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Heels and me, never to be....




Anybody that knows me, knows of my obsession with shoes.... High heels, sneakers, flats, I love them all.... I love them to the point where I’ll buy a new pair but automatically will want a new pair immediately after I buy them... I have shoes in my cupboard that I have worn once and never again... Shoes that haven't even been scratched up on the bottom of them yet cause they’ve never been worn... I have heels that are impossible to walk in and hurt my feet to no end, but yet they stand proudly in my shoe cupboard all pretty and innocent looking...  I have a sneaker collection that most men would probably envy, shoes that have cost more than my weekly food bill, but this week, I realized that my obsession with shoes is starting to become a joke... A very painful joke... 

I’ve been asked why I love shoes so much and I really can’t give an answer... It’s actually a very shallow hobby... I see shoes, I try them on and 3 minutes later I’ve got a shoe bag in my hand and I’m down another $50-$200 ... What. the. hell??? All I’m saying is, it just happens... I’ve always used the line of ‘There are plenty of worse addictions I could have, at least my shoe addiction isn’t hurting anyone’... STOP.... This is where I’m wrong.... Let me tell you why...

Last week, I walked past a very popular shoe store and saw a pair of pretty little high heel shoes in the ‘Marked down’ bin... I wasn’t even looking for shoes that day, I just happened to be walking past (which is usually how every shoe purchase is made)... I saw these black lace up, strappy, mid length high heels and I asked to try them on... ‘Size 7 please’ I informed the average looking shop keeper with her boring average make up and boring average outfit (wow, I’m a c*nt).... 

She came back with the pair of shoes... I tried them on, I walked 3 steps in one direction then turned around and walked 3 steps back in the same direction I just came... I stopped, looked in the mirror, turned, looked at my leg with the heels on and thought to myself, ‘What a hotcake’ (self love) then looked at the price tag, ‘$40 reduced from $150...... ‘I’LL TAKE THEM’!!! This all happened in the space of 3minutes... Just like that, the shoes were in my hand and I was headed off to my car.... Another pair added to my collection... 


Flash forward to Saturday afternoon and I was getting ready for a huge first night out in my new city of Brisbane with my new shoes in hand... I’d bought some waterproof, clear band aids earlier that day as I knew I would need them for my new shoes that night... After about a billion drinks, it was time to get dressed and strap on the new high heels... I was that drunk that I had lost my box of band aids and couldn’t find them anywhere... We were rushing to get ready and I just put my shoes on and headed out the door with only two band aids on that I could find in my drunken state.... Wrong move... So very wrong... 

All I remember at 3:30am on my way home from the club was moaning and feeling like I had knives stabbing every part of my foot.... I got home, ripped the shoes off and slept, only to wake with blisters on every single toe... That was last week... Flash forward another week and I STILL HAVE THE BLISTERS AND THEY HAVEN’T GONE AWAY..... How could my beautiful new shoes, so innocent looking with its sensible heel and great ankle support, betray me like that? I knew that discount was too good to be true...

For the past week, I have been in debilitating pain, watching my blisters grow bigger and bigger everyday... I’ve tried everything to fix them and heal them; detol, alovera, savalon cream, leaving it to dry out, walking, putting my leg up... Nothing seems to work... I now think that my foot maybe infected, one toe in particular, and with this thought, I come to say a big ‘fuck you’ to high heels.... 
 
Fellas, I don’t care how hot my legs look in high heels, or how well those heels go with my dress... I really don’t care if they are sexy...  At this rate, I don’t care if I have to stay home from every night club or every dinner date for the next 30 years... The thought of wearing a high heel right now with the way my toes are, I would rather eat a diseased rat from the dirty streets of Kings Cross before wearing another pair of high heels anytime soon...  

The shit we women are forced to do all in the name of vanity is just ridiculous... Like who the fuck would invent something where a woman will have to stand on her tippy toes the entire night and only be held up by a 4inch thin piece of wood under the bottom of her shoe.... Shit ain’t right... And who in her right mind would think that she could survive that without suffering the worst of pain? ME of course!!  

I’m sorry high heels, you’re pretty, you’re gorgeous, you make my legs go for days and make me feel sexy as hell, but you’re just not worth the pain... It’s not me, it’s definitely you... We have to take a break... 

In the mean time, somebody get me a doctor, a new set of toes, and a pair of Air Jordan sneakers because the high heel game and I are done!! 

Until next time, stay comfortable...






Cee xo