Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Switch up- The moments between faith and reality....



A few months ago, I wrote about an occurrence that tends to happen in the dating game these days that I like to call ‘The Switch up’. It seems a lot of women have experienced this ‘Process’ as I like to think of it as, and aren’t quite sure how to stop it... For those who haven’t read the ‘Replace faith with reality’ blog, (see January archive on this blog page) here’s a reminder of what the switch up is all about...

The switch up isn’t necessarily a thing it’s more of a process.... A process of when you first meet a guy and the butterflies set it... You’re interested but you’ve still got your options open... The process usually starts when you’re both texting everyday and getting to know one another... When he’s pursuing you, texting, calling, when he’s saying every line in the book and making promises that you know deep down he won’t keep... You might go out on a few dates or have even moved onto the sexy time stage... After a few days/weeks of this, you start to catch feelings for someone you never even thought you would and it’s at this stage that ‘The Switch up’ happens; you become interested, he knows your interested and then BOOM, just like that, he's lost interest and is onto the next one....

Since realizing there is such a thing as the ‘The switch up’ and making it known to my girls and other sisters out there that read my blog, I’ve gotten a huge response about how brutal it can be... They say knowledge is power, but to me it’s kind of a burden because the worst part about knowing about the switch up, is waiting for the switch up to happen. Talk about buzz killer!

I got asked by a dear friend the other day who can see the switch up is upon her, ‘what do I do to stop the switch up’? THIS my friends, is a good question... How is it that that we know the switch up is going to happen but yet we still fall victim to it each and every time? The answer is simple: Hormones and emotions...

I strongly believe that the only thing that separates us women from the men today, besides the obvious body parts, is hormones and emotions... I curse them every day. See us women of the 21st century do nearly if not all of the things men do. We support ourselves, work hard and play hard just like men do, but when it all comes down to it, I hate to say, our weakness is in our physical make ups; we catch feelings easier than men, making us the victims of the switch up earlier than our male counter parts would. It’s not an opinion, it’s just a fact; our womanly make up’s are the factor behind why we get caught up and played... If we didn’t have these emotions or hormones, we’d be just as heartless and cold and we’d be the ultimate slayers of the switch up process.



We can’t stop the switch up from happening... It will happen 99% of the time in this day in age, why? Because we live in a generation of not being in love... The key is to find that 1% that will defy the entire meaning of ‘The switch up’ (I’m still searching for that 1%) The dating game has changed so much that it seems no one actually ‘dates’ anymore...

Ladies, ask yourself this, how do you meet guys now days? Whether it’s through friends, work, Facebook, online etc? Now think, how often does this occur? Do you meet guys every week, monthly, once every few months? And here’s something to really make you think; when was the last time you actually went out with a guy? (not including meeting up at a club for a drink) When was the last time a guy actually suggested coffee/lunch or dinner? (Who wasn’t gay or one of your mates?)

It seems shows like ‘Sex and the city’ have people bamboozled into thinking that dating actually happens all the time... FALSE! The dating game today is BRUTAL... The women I know today aren’t going out every week meeting different guys, going on coffee dates every week, texting a bunch of guys and trying to decide which night we should schedule each one on (some probably do, I’m not a player hater, good for them) but I’m talking about the majority here and for the majority of us single ladies, all of that just doesn’t happen on a regular basis like it does on those kind of shows or how society makes it out to be. I know I don’t paint a good picture of the dating game, but I’m being realistic... Maybe I’m just going for the wrong guys, maybe it’s just me, but the constant calls from my girlfriends who are experiencing the same thoughts and experiences like I am with ‘dating’, tell me I’m right in saying that nobody ‘dates’ like they used to anymore.



I should point out that I got asked to dinner by a nice guy the other week. I said no, why? Because I simply wasn’t interested in him. Why is it that the ones we like never like us back and the ones that like us, we are never interested in? Us women are hard to please (understatement) but me personally, I’m not going to go out for dinner with a guy I’m not interested in for the sake of ‘Dating’ or putting myself out there... It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to me... I know my type, I know what I like and what I don’t like, is this such a bad thing to not want to drop my standards all in the sake of going out on a date? I’m still learning and I try not to be too closed off, (beggar’s can’t be choosers as they say) but to go to dinner and pretend to enjoy the company of a guy I know I won’t want to pursue, just isn’t right...

I’m a sucker for a guy I can’t have, who isn’t, and us women like the chase just as much as a guy does but there comes a point where we just wanna say: ‘DEAR GUY I’M CHASING... I’M SICK OF CHASING NOW... I’VE SHOWED INTEREST IN YOU, DON’T PLAY GAMES, EITHER YOU’RE INTERESTED OR YOU'RE NOT, IF YOU ARE, STOP THIS TEASING SHIT, MAN UP AND JUST ASK A SISTER OUT’... Yep, it’s that easy... Well at least it should be...

I’m still working out how to stop the ‘Switch up’ so unfortunately I can’t give you any answers on this just yet ladies, but all I can say is, the moments before the switch up, in between faith and reality are the greatest of feelings, so enjoy that shit to the last tee... Try to keep a level head and remember to always replace faith with reality... Until next time...