Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Weight loss and me.... Starting now!

I know it’s cliché, but since I can remember, I’ve always been a bigger girl... It’s never really affected me much, because it’s all I’ve ever known... I’ve been called names and all that bullsh*t but always shrugged it off because I am happy in my skin and don't really give a shit what most people think about me...

The thing with weight loss is, there’s always a reason why you want to do it... Some people do it for love (I’ve had the privilege of being with some fine ass men in my life span, a lot with hot bodies; 6 packs etc so my weights never stopped me there ;) some do it because they want to buy better clothes (this is one of my reasons for beginning my weight loss journey, but not the most important one)... Some do it because it’s cool to work out (I’m cool regardless so that’s never been an issue either lol), and some do it because they just want to get healthy and fit and live their life with more energy (THIS is my reason for my weight loss journey)...

I bought a treadmill in May last year and used it for all of 10 weeks on and off, then traveled a lot, got sick and made excuses like anybody else... The treadmill sat for months on end in my lounge room collecting dust while I sat on the couch and ate all the wrong foods and chose laziness and dealing with my own emotional demons over using a $1000 machine that ultimately gave me pain whenever I used it, so the training stopped...

I resigned from my job in the education system in December after I got back from my trip to America because I wasn’t happy... Currently I am in a forced situation in my life that I can’t change immediately. I want more than anything to move to the closest city away from the regional town that I am in, but face the challenge of having a low income, a brother who I care for who is in high school who my decisions will ultimately affect when we move, and a house full of my deceased mother’s life processions which are now mine to go through and part with before that move can even happen... Moving towns is going to happen and needs to happen in order for my salvation and sake of mind as a 26 year old to get back to doing every day normal things like being able to go to the movies, the beach and have more opportunities with work and for my brothers future, but reality is, it will be a slow process until that can all happen...

I’m not going to lie, since being back from America, the last 3 months have gotten me down so much that I feel I haven’t gotten anywhere in the past year. I’ve been dealt a card in life that I have no control over and my life has been in limbo for just over 12 months now. My old life of radio, working, succeeding, and growing has taken a back seat to sitting, waiting, raising my little brother, having patience and being on a tight income. I don’t know how and why I came to be in my current situation but I try not to complain and I just know that it all happened for a reason and situations are only ever temporary and things will change for the better soon... They have too...

Sitting here in this quiet house everyday has me searching for things to do that will occupy my usually creative brain. Radio work is on hold as the nearest decent radio station is 1.5hrs away and doesn’t have much work to give me as yet and normal jobs aren’t something that interests me after years of working in radio and working my way up through the industry I love... Not that I'm too good to just do any job, but I want to work in radio again, I've worked very hard to achieve everything in the radio industry and working in other jobs since being back home has reminded me that I still want to work in radio more than anything else. Until I can go through my mother’s belongings (she had A LOT of stuff) before moving, and until radio work comes through for me, I sat here thinking of ways to change my life and I’ve used drawing, painting and basket weaving to stop myself from getting into any stages of depression with my current situation. This has worked up until now and in the meantime, my treadmill and $150 joggers have sat in my lounge room waiting for me to make the decision; the decision to get off my ass and start to change my life.

I have achieved so much in my 26 years on the planet and pride myself of my success and determination I have to improve myself every day, but I can honestly say that weight loss is the thing I have never been to fully achieve and it has been something that has irked me every day since I can remember.

I hate excuses and people who use them, and I’m not one of those people so I will be honest and just say this: My weight gain over the years has steamed from being a shy girl growing up, being lazy, having low self esteem, not playing enough sports as a child, living a media lifestyle of bad food and less exercise, working too much instead of looking after myself, living a student lifestyle of ‘eat what you can afford’, to living back in a regional town where I sink in and out of depression dealing with the loss of my mother and throwing in the only life I knew to become a carer for my little brother (no regrets) and having to start a new life basically as some of the main points of my weight gain. Not much, but I guess all of those reasons have been contributing factors to get to the point I’m at now...

I can say that I am happy with the way I look and I’ve grown to love myself over the years... Although I always had the desire to look and feel thinner, (who doesn’t) but I’ve never known that world of being slim, therefore I don’t know what I’ve missed out on... I also have never allowed myself to hate any part of myself because I find low self esteem is an issue with Indigenous girls/women as it is, and I didn’t want to be ‘one of THOSE Girls who hated herself for how she looked, therefore I never have... Yeah I have flaws, I have hips, thighs and ass, but in my eyes, I am me, this is all I’ve got to work with in life, so I might as well love myself for who I am instead of hating myself...

I don’t know what made me do it... Maybe it was the extra 2kgs I put on while I was in America after I was eating American food, or maybe it was the fact that my bra was digging in a little too much for my liking, but 20 days ago, I embarked on a journey that I’ve wanted to take all my adult life, a proper weight loss journey.
I see weight loss and a healthy lifestyle as something that I am unable achieve therefore something I want to achieve. I’ve always worked hard to get everything I’ve received in my life so far, from the graduate diploma, to the good job, to the man, to the money but yet weight loss has beaten me every time. I’ve tried the weight loss thing before and have never been able to sustain the lifestyle that is needed for you to ACTUALLY PHYSICALLY keep it up, so this time I’m doing things differently.... I don’t have a gym membership (I can’t afford one on my income), I don’t have a personal trainer (I can’t afford one), I don’t have protein powders and weight loss supplements (I can’t afford any), all I have is my dusty ‘ready to ride’ treadmill, my joggers, a $10 exercise ball, $10 palates mat, and a set of 5kg dumb bells borrowed from my dad... The hardest thing is mentally trying to work out HOW and why I’m doing this when I’m running and walking and throwing around weights every morning and the simple answer is I just want to get fit...

The thing I have in my favor right now is time. While I’m not working, while I’m sorting my life out, bit by bit, week by week, I have all the time in the world and that’s why I’ve started my weight loss journey and a journey it is... I’ve literally changed my lifestyle and it all sounds very text book, but really, all I’ve done is change my eating habits by researching what foods I need and don’t need, cut out everything processed/packaged and am only eating clean and healthy meals, no sugar/sweets, snacking 3 times a day on healthy food, plus 3 main meals a day in breakfast, lunch and dinner, keeping a food diary, lowering my calorie intake, drinking shit loads of water, and exercising for at least 40mins a day using my treadmill, exercise ball work, mixed with sit ups on my palates mat, lunges down my hallway, squats in front of my TV and dumbbell curls and drop down exercises... Yup, the hard, slogging it out, and eating the right things way of weight loss...

Two of my best mates, Noella (An exercise physiologist) and Nerida (a body builder competitor) are my two main sources of food and exercise knowledge and have been there from day one encouraging me on this journey. The thing I tell myself every day is ‘EARN IT like you’ve earned everything else in your life’... Hard work and determination is the key. I started my journey 20 days ago and although I’m seeing small results on the scales (3.5kgs lost so far), I am happy with how I am feeling more than anything and aren’t putting huge pressures on myself when it comes to numbers ...

Every day I look forward to cooking healthy meals and see the food I am putting into my body as fuel now and not something that I necessarily crave. I wake up WANTING To train, and have started to love running which I never thought I would say. I’m getting stronger and faster on a daily basis and am breaking personal bests with my training and am starting to learn how to balance my eating in conjunction with my exercise, although it’s all still a daily challenge. I’m making better eating choices and am not giving into the temptations of family feasts, or lazy weekends (all the things that have failed me in past weight loss attempts)... This time, I’m just taking it at my own pace, loving and embracing the life of being fit and healthy, enjoying my exercise and making the right decisions for myself and how I feel overall; this to me is success, living and working towards a goal.

It will take a long time to see real results but I’m told that half the battle is sticking with it and maintaining the lifestyle which is all I’m trying to achieve at this point in the journey. They call weight loss a journey because you definitely go through a cycle of ups and downs and good days and bad days, but in the end, I just want to be able to prove to myself that I can achieve this goal like the rest of the goals I’ve achieved in life...

One of the biggest challenges so far is saying no to family and friends... No I can’t eat that, no I can’t go anywhere till I do my training, no I can’t have that usual cup of coffee when I come to visit... Some friends and family can’t understand this new lifestyle but I've put it down to some just not liking change... When they see others changing around them for themselves, it’s a reminder that maybe they have a few changes in their own lives that they are yet to over come... The biggest thing I am learning to do is take advice from those who are supportive and actually know what they are talking about, instead of those negatives who just want to give their opinion on ‘what to do and what not to do’ even though they may lead unhealthy lifestyles them selves... My girls Nerida and Noella and all my fit life peeps on twitter are keeping me focused and that’s all I need...

It’s early days yet and I have a long way to go, but it’s important that I write this blog to remind myself that I can do better and I can earn it and I can achieve it. Small goals are good goals right now and I’m getting there, one day at a time like everything else I’ve had to overcome in the past year.... The positive is, I’m the best I’ve ever felt physically in a long time and it can only get better ...

Until next time...

One love, one life

-CEE- xoxo