Opinions of a murri woman...

Opinions of a murri woman...

Monday, December 6, 2010

'H.G.O: Holidays, Graduation and Opportunity'...

Life in the tropics... Hot and humid one day, pouring rain the next....

With just a week to go until I start my new job with ABC Local radio in Sydney, I'm enjoying my last few days in Far North Queensland. In the past few weeks, I've been relaxing and spending time with family. Something I haven't been able to do in nearly 5 months.




One of the highlights of my break so far would definately be graduating from the Australian Film, Television and Radio school as the very first Indigenous Full time student of the Graduate Diploma of Radio Course. Since Feb this year, I've busted my arse and gave it all I had, and to finally receive that piece of paper, meant the world to me. On top of it, my name got called out infront of 800 people in the auditorium to say that I had won the AV MYER Indigenous award for exceptional talent for the school, as well as $20,000..... Yeah I know, ME, for exceptional talent... *shrugs shoulders with hands in the air*


My whole life changed on the 30th November. It was such a shock but very humbling, overwelming and emotional. I even shed some tears and would count it as one of the best days of my life.




So what does $20,000 mean to me after 25 years of living broke? It means I will be able to set myself up with a flat to rent in sydney while I work. It means I will be able to afford the things I've needed all year for my profession, like editing equiptment and more. But it doesn't mean it's going to change me. I have gone without for most of my life. I wasn't bought up with a silver spoon in my mouth and my family often had to go without. The money will be wisely spent and I am just so grateful to have recieved it. I have never been handed the easy road in life and have had to work for everything I have and everywhere I've needed to be, so to receive this money, I definately see it as a gift from the Universe and I can't say much more than THANK YOU!!!


On another note, this saturday 11th December, I will have the pleasure of 'Bridesmaid duties' at my sisters wedding. After 15 years together and 3 beautiful children, my sister Jade and her partner Ben, have finally decided to tie the knot. To be able to witness this occasion gives me hope in love after all... I can't wait to celebrate and to catch up with the family and friends.




So it's back to Sydney on Sunday 12th and back to the work force after 12 months, on December 13th.. A producing role of the overnights program on ABC Local Radio from December-Jan, then to Triple J's 'Hack' Program from Jan-April. It's only temporary, but it's the opportunity of a lifetime and I'm gonna make the most out of it!



If theres anything I can take away from the past few weeks, is that there is always something in store for us, and although we may struggle, the universe has a plan if you're willing to let go and accept it..... So here's to letting go.... Stay positive and live everyday like it's you're last...

One Love, One Life....

Monday, November 15, 2010

Motherhood and me, Never to be!!


As I write this entry, I'm currently watching nick Jrn with my 4 year old neice Eden, sweating it out on the couch.. Welcome back to North Queensland.... After nearly 4 months away from home, It feels good to be back...The weather is punishing for someone whos now climatised to the cool Sydney weather, but to be back with my family, makes up for it all...

Coming back to queensland yesterday was almost torture.. Anyone that knows me, knows that I hate flying at the best of times.. I hate being confined to a seat with nothing else to do but to listen to my i-pod and wait it out....

Yesterdays flight was nothing short of painful.. Hung over from a night of drinking on the cliffs of maroubra with my girls, I walked through the plane to find my seat... 14F, here I am, and then...... HHHHHMMMM, A child... a small child of 3 years old is sitting next to me...

'Sam' as his mother affectionately called him... I called him, 'little naughty brat' (in my head of course).... Don't get me wrong, he was cute to start with, playing quietly with his cars, until his mum put his seat belt on, then the screaming began...

'I WANT PENCILS, I WANT PENCILS'... OH.. MY... GOODDD'.... That was just the first screaming match between 'sam' and his Italian mother. The worst part of it all was her ability to bow down to her child... I don't know, maybe it's just me, but when I was growing up, my mother didn't baby me and say 'oh baby, i'll give you pencils and your bottle as soon as we go up in the air, shh now baby, shh now'... PPPFTTT, here's something my mother would've said to me as a child in that situation:

*says under her breath close to my ear*
.... "You better shut up or else your gonna get flogged".....

True story... The worst part about it all was the mothers attitude.. She left sam to sit up by himself to watch 'diago and dora', and as she slept, he would kick my feet with his mini nike sneakers... As I sat on that 3 hour flight to Cairns from Sydney listening to this whinging child (over my i-pod), it cemented in my brain my decision to never want children.

Alot of people say, 'carly, you will change your mind and will want children', but I really don't think that that will ever be the case... Every time I'm around children, I quiver at the thought of having to deal with the stresses of it all, and not to mention the expense. I'm 26 in April next year, and have goals of having a successful career, making money and living my life from one day to the next. I couldn't fathem the thought of being responsible for someone else besides myself, and some may say that it's selfish, but after my journey to Queensland with little italian 'Sam' yesterday, I'd say not bringing a child into this world anytime soon would be the most responsible thing I could do in my life so far.

Speaking of being responsible... I better go clean my neice up... She found the 'Vicks vapour rub' and decided to smear it on her clothes, bed and toys.... *sigh*.... Until next time, wear a condom and drink hard...

One love, One Life X

Thursday, October 28, 2010

'Dare to Dream'....




I have a signed autograph by legendary boxer 'Rubin Hurricane Carter' that reads, 'To Carly... Dare to dream always', Love 'Rubin Hurricane Carter'.... I've had that signature behind glass since 2002, and it's been my motivation in everything I have every achieved in my life since then.... Yesterday was no different... After 250 days, or 8 months and 8 days, and after 6,000 hours, I finally completed my Graduate Diploma of radio course at the Australian Film Television and Radio School....AND MY GOD DOES IT FEEL GOOD...

It's 4:51am here in Sydney, and for the past three hours, I have been awake, tossing and turning. The aircon's weren't switched on last night and I'm feeling hot and bloated from the beer I drank with my second family yesterday afternoon. I've tried going back to sleep numerous times tonight, but reality is, I'm wide awake with a thousand thoughts running through my head.

Yesterday was my very last day of school. The place I've been too nearly everyday since I arrived in Sydney.. The place I've grown to love, and learnt so much from. I finished all of my assignments and went to drop off a microphone and officially sign out of AFTRS... I did so, but not before I was bailed up in the staff room by the head of the radio department who said that I have to be in Sydney for graduation because it's been a BIG Year for me... At that moment, I kinda broke down.... After all these months of struggling on centrelink, living outta a black fulla hostel, with assignments coming out of my ears, in a place I felt I never really fitted into, It had all hit me at that moment....

That conversation was my 'Goodbye' speech from my lecturers, and anyone who knows me well, knows that I hate goodbyes.... The biggest thing that hit me was when she said 'She'd had been waiting for a person like me to come to that school, and now that I've gone through the year, she couldn't be happier'... This to me is my success for the year, and she's right.... I had a lot of people who doubted me, and a lot that supported me through out this study year and now that it's all over, I feel a HUGE Sigh of relief, joy and achievement.

To be the very first Indigenous Student to graduate at a fulltime level in the radio department in the schools history is something that I can't even fathom just yet. I knew if I completed my studies, that I would be the first, but it hasn't hit me that I actually did it.... The greatest thing from that achievement is that I am being a good role model for my little brother and nephews and niece, and that my family are all proud of me back in Queensland....


Handing in my student card, my locker key, my transport concession card (that hurt the most) and signing out of the building like I was never really there yesterday, was hard, but it felt good and was the final step in saying goodbye to the study year.

As I drank beer with three of my study mates later that day, I looked across at each of them to see love, friendship, fear, sadness and even a few tears. This was a relief to me, cause at least I wasn't the only one feeling it... Now this all may sound pretty dramatic for anyone reading this who didn't go to my school and go through the journey as me and 9 other people in my class have this year, but it's been one heck of a rollar coaster for each and every one of us.... Despite the stress, nearly quitting mid year, my bad living arrangments and the pressure of it all, this year has been without a doubt, THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE.....




This weekend I move out of the hostel I've called home for the past 8 months... I was taking down my pictures from the wall the other day and packing my suitcase to move for the third time this year and it hit me that this was another chapter of my life that added to the joy and stresses of the year. When i first moved in, I didn't know anyone and was reluctant to even come and stay, but I had no where else to go and limited money, so I took a chance and it turned out to be the best thing I could've done.. I met people who have become like family to me and without them and their support all year, I wouldn't of made it this far into the year. John, Yaleela, Barbie, Katayla, Kate, Rob, and Wayne, thank you all for making me feel like I've had a second family in Sydney... I love you all.... To my dear friend Noella green who is taking me in and letting me crash on her couch until I find my feet again, I OWE YOU MY LIFE, and I'm not even joking.... Without your generosity, support and feeds this year, I would be homeless and probably back in Queensland doing nothing.. Thank you for motivating me at times where I needed it the most... You are a friend for life!!! On Friday when I move out of this hostel, I think I will shed a little tear for the place, but I know that it has served it's purpose and that I am destined for bigger and better things.





So what now.. What's next you're probably wondering. Yeah, it's a funny question, I've been wondering that myself lately.... I could sit here and think about my future, I could stress, and freak out, or I can do what I always do and just let the universe take care of what it needs to. With every door shut, another opens, so now I wait.... I wait to see what's around the corner and what's in store for me......

One of the biggest things I will take away from this year, is the passion I have now, to go on and make GREAT Radio... I don't want to make Okay radio, I want to make GREAT Radio, Emotional radio, radio that will change thought patterns and sterotypes. I want to strive for more than just an announcer. I want to lead, I want to shape and I want to live and breathe the Australian Radio Industry... That's all I know for now, so until then, I'm taking it all one day at a time....

November 30th, 2010 is the day I graduate from the Australian Film Television and Radio School....To fulfill a goal I set out to achieve so long ago feels amazing and undescribable... Maybe even enough to keep me awake at 5:39am....


One Love, One Life....

Friday, October 22, 2010

A Black girl's final day in Goulburn- Day 6


When I arrived in Goulburn 6 days ago, I was slack, tired and really not motivated. After nearly a week in this sunny town, I'm ready to say goodbye.

Today was my last day at Eagle Fm... I think I had a better shift then my previous days on air and am quite sad to leave. Through out the week, it's been great getting to know a small, yet tight team of people at 2GN and Eagle.

A town built on farming and a lack of water, the radio station (whether they know it or not) breaths life into the community and they're great at what they do.

One thing I am disappointed in, is that while I was here I didn't get to see the huge Ram's ball's that my lecturer kindly told me about before I came here.. This place is famous for its 'Goulburn valley fruits and it's huge ram (and its huge ram's balls) and I didn't get to see either... Oh well, I'm sure this isn't the last that Goulburn has seen of me....

To 'Guy My', Breaky presenter and all round nice guy... Thankful for your patience and help throughout the week. You've been more than helpful and really took me under your wing from the first day, so thank you.

And to Ryan you dirty Victorian... Cheers to you for the same. I look forward to keeping in contact with the both of you... If your ever in Sydney, look me up, a round of drinks are on me (if you can keep up)

And to Goulburn. I have one more night in you (that sounds rude... hehe), but thanks for the hospitality. I'll leave here tomorrow with a new appreciation for commercial regional radio ..... So what now??

To Sydney..... And beyond thats what....


One Love, One Life....

Thursday, October 21, 2010

A Black girl in Goulburn- Day 5


Another day down, one more to go... No more 6am church bells.. Can't wait for that....

Day 5 in Goulburn, and today I had a great day. A better on air shift, friendships growing with the announcers, and SUUSSSHHIII...Thats right, Sushi. I've been here for how many days now and I only just found out that there is a sushi shop in Goulburn... This has changed my whole view on this town...

'Centro Goulburn', I love you...

Besides a few voice overs, and a bad batch of 'Lemon Lime Iced tea' instead of peach flavour' my day was pretty laid back...

Oh I forgot to mention.... I GOT MY USHER ticket today... I'm PUMPED...... Can't wait to spend one night in march next year with my best mate Jo, seeing a guy who's music I've loved for over a decade... It's been the perfect way to cap off the day.... One more day at Eagle Fm then it's back to Syd-n-knee for this little black girl.... Till tommorrow....

One Love, One Life....

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A Black girl in Goulburn- Day 4



So apparently up until today, I've been spelling Goulburn as 'Golburn'.... Oh well.... Moving on.....

Day 4 in Goulburn and I have some good news to report... I FOUND A KOORI... Yep, not an urban myth in this town after all. Out of all the Koori's to walk through the radio station today, 'Gavin Jones', the CEO Of VIBE Australia (organiser of the deadly awards, vibe alive, vibe magazine, deadly sounds and vibe 3 on 3) came walking through.

He and two others, Michael an ex NIDA Student and a producer who's name I've forgotten were there for a few hours doing a voice over for a new series of short doco's.... They needed the studio to record the voice overs... I just thought it was weird that all this week I was on the search for a black face in this town, and until today, I hadn't seen one... Funny thing was, I was only talking about the deadly awards to one of the broadcasters an hour before Gavin walked in...It was great to sit and yarn with him. I think I was just excited to be around blackfullas...

Goulburn are about to experience their first Vibe 3 on 3 challenge in a few weeks, Something I think the town will benefit from... Bit of culture never hurt anyone I say... The producer who was with Gavin was especially interesting. He's been a film and television producer for over 30 years and has produced many programs like 'Missing persons unit, to ABC series Gardening australia AND He was an ex AFTRS Student. Small world... Chatting with him was that interesting that I wish I could've had a flash mic handy to record what he was saying.. Definately an inspirational guy.

On top of an exciting afternoon of visitors and a ham sanga for lunch with yogurt, I did my first on air shift today on Eagle Fm... Basic music presenting plugging just about every business in town, but thats the nature of commercial radio I guess... Although I didn't feel like I had a good shift today, I'm grateful to be learning a new style. The staff meeting where the boss said, 'Give us a 30 second sell of yourself' was interesting as well today. I was my fabulous hilerious self, and everybody laughed.. (well I like to think they did, i think i had a black out mid speech. Kidding)...

Besides all of that, it's another lonely night in Golburn, sorry I mean GOULBURN... Thinking about doing assignments or eating biscuits with tea and facebooking.... I already know the outcome... Until tomorrow...

One Love, One Life....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

A black girl in Golburn- Day 3


It's the little things that make up a country town... Like the parks that no one sits in.. The uneven footpaths, those holden utes done up with spotlights, the Go Low store, the 100 year old pet shop, rough looking tradies and watching the same cars drive up and down the main street doing lappies.

Golburn, day 3... This morning it was about 7 degrees and before I reached the radio station,I literally couldn't feel my toes... I headed into the radio station to begin my second day of work experience with numb toes and fingers and was keen to get my head around the new system...

I did my first voice over today (which i stuffed up several times) for 'Miss Country Australia'.... I think this might be similar to the 'Maze Festival' in Atherton. (For those that don't know, my country hick town holds an event every year entitled 'The Maze Fest', where people submit a float in the parade and on those floats sits an entrant for 'Maze Queen'... These contestants are usually the popular year 12 girls from Atherton High... Its all very American and Crap... But its tradition and a good laugh)... Doing that voice over for 'Miss Country Girl' took me straight back to my country memories...

Anyways, moving on... So after my failure in voice over (despite the fact that I got a destinction in voice over this year in my graduate diploma of radio course), I mucked around with the stations incredibly bad editing system (explained to me how crap it is by the stations broadcasters/production managers) but it was fun to be doing something instead of sitting around like yesterday...

The time didn't go as slow today and before the afternoon was out, I found myself behind the seat of 'Eagle Fm's' panel voice tracking (pre-recording talk breaks)...

I've been told that I'm on air tommorrow from 9am-12pm, so I've got a few voice breaks to write up tonight... Should be interesting...I've been told that I'm gonna be the first female voice on Eagle FM in over 10 or so years, so either way they should be happy to hear me on air LOL


In my previous blog, I mentioned I was gonna be on the hunt for Black faces in this town. I'm yet to see one, but I was told today, that apparently the Program Director at the radio station I'm at is a Koori.... He's away on holidays till next monday... Sounds like an urban legend if you ask me... I wanna see at least one black face before I leave this town or I will label it a G-UP of a town forever...

I won't give up the hunt...

Till tomorrow....

One Love, One Life.... XX

Monday, October 18, 2010

A Black girl in Golburn- Day 2

Golburn, day 2....

So before I say anything else.... Golburn, what in the f**k is it with you and church bells sounding every hour, even at 6am?? GOSHHH!!!

So after a rocky wake up, I got ready and took to the bustling (no not really) streets of Golburn to find my work place for the week, Radio 2GN, and Eagle Fm...

It was about 10 degrees this morning and me being 'sydney' these days, forgot to pack a pair of tights... Lucky the radio station is about a 45min walk from my motel. On the way, I passed some lovely old chaps who said, 'Good morning' with a rosey smile... This put me in a good mood until I started getting lost....

Yes thats right, I got lost in a country town... shame on me.... After cuttin up a few suburban streets, I found the radio station and settled in for the day.

Although there wasn't alot for me to do today, the team made me feel at home and promised me some air time later this week, so I'm looking forward to working along side the town's two broadcasters....

Besides that, I'm settled in for another cold night, alone in this 80's style motel room.... For some reason they have a mural on the wall of a sea side town.... Why they have this on the wall in a town which is no where near the ocean, I don't know....




On another note, I'm yet to see a black face in this town... Am I the only black girl in Golburn? Cant be?!.... Tomorrow I will go blackfulla hunting in search of some Koori's.... Till then, I'm off to catch some ZZZ's before tomorrow....

One Love, One Life....xo

Sunday, October 17, 2010

What's next?



As I write this blog, I'm laying down on a slightly itchy hotel room bed in the Rural town of 'Golburn'... Only a few hours ago, I was awake at 5am in a 3 bedroom mansion on the waterfront of Sydney Harbour, then behind the microphone at the Australian Film Television and Radio School, presenting along side my dear friend Kyran, for what would be our last simulation air time for the year....

Today we said goodbye to our 'Next Fm' radio station... A radio station we built from scratch as a team and successfully ran for 9 days. I haven't worked so hard all year, but looking back on it, I will class it as one of the best moments in my career so far.

Two hours after I finished my last shift, I was on a bus to Golburn for my week of 'Work experience' at '2GN'... I was meant to catch a train but theres track work being done at the moment and all passengers were told we were travelling by bus...

Sitting on my seat, I look around to see I'm surrounded by old ladies with white hair, glasses and old guys nodding off, then a ringtone sounds from someones phone, a country song.... Not long after, a message tone, the sound of a cow mooing'..... From that point on I knew the country was where I was headed....

So after 4 hours of stopping at every shit house town on the way down, I finally made it....Driving into Golburn, I see nothing but green hills, dry grey trees, heritage buildings, a cemetary, and a HUGE Jail..... As we pull up to the train station and get off the bus, I take in the views and think to myself... HHHHMMMM, this place kinda reminds me of somewhere.... Locals, utes, small country banks and shops, a woolies where no one uses the self check in registers and instead they use the check out chick they know, the hotel guy who says, 'Hows it going', when I check into my 'MOTEL'..... Yep, theres definately something about this town indeed....

Oh, now I know, it's EXACTLY like my home town of Atherton.... For a town I've never been to before, I feel strangely at home.... I just came from woolies and am now laying back in my 1.2 star motel. It's not much but it's home for the next week, as I begin my journey after 'Next Fm'.... Leaving today on the bus myself, I felt sad and soooo alone... Sad that my journey at radio school is coming to an end,and sad about leaving my friends at home..





This year has just flown... It seems like only yesterday I arrived at school, full of fear, determination, optimism and doubt.... As I start my work placement tomorrow I'll be thinking of all of my fellow classmates scattered across the country in there own workplacements....

To Kyran, Maxy, Sarah H, Miles, Sarah N, Maz, Alex, Gina, and steve.... I'm so grateful that I got to learn along side some of the countries best broadcasters. I Will cherish every moment, every laugh, every bitch and every drink we shared together... You have all been like a second family to me all year and there is no way I would've finished the year without all of your encouragement and support. I wish you all nothing but the best for the future, and hope to keep in contact with each and every one of you over the years to come....




And to Golburn and radio 2GN..... I'll meet you tomorrow... For now, It's chicken ceaser salad time....

One Love, One Life....

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Music: "The last true voice of the human spirit"




Music....



Since I can remember, music has been a part of my life.... I grew up with musical influences of artists such as Yothu Yindi, Kev Carmody and Archie Roach, to Bob Marley, Midnight Oil, Crowded house, KC And the sunshine band, The Bee Gee's, and the era of Motown. My mother is a lover of music, so is my father, and I am grateful that I was bought up in a household where music was embraced, loved and respected...

At around the age of 10, my taste in music began to develop, with the purchase of my first CD, 'The Score'- The Fugees... I'll never forget the day I recieved it.. I got it for my birthday, after months of begging and telling mum to buy it for me... At the time I don't think she really knew what the fugees were all about.... We're talking late mid to late 90's of Hip Hop, when Vocalist and MC, Lauryn Hill was raw, emerging and outspoken. The album filled with lyrics featuring swearing, killings, drugs, and social injustices was my first taste of music, and an album that I believe changed my whole life. An album that I still have today with out a scratch on it..

See music to me isn't just an option, It's life. I use it and consume it for most parts of my day, every single day since I can remember... I think American Hip Hop group, 'Dead Prez' sum it up nicely in their track 'Hip Hop' when they say 'One thing bout music is when it hits you, you feel no pain'. I can't count the amount of times that music has saved my life, bought me up from dispair and bought me happiness...

Music is emotional... The likes of Ben Harper and the Innocent Criminals have been there for me with their soulful relateable songs that have stuck to my soul and toyed with my heart strings.. These emotional songs are the type of music that can bring you to tears because it is, quite simply, Powerful and goes beyond just the ears....

Music inspires... The sounds of Michael Franti, John Butler Trio, Xavier Rudd Blue King Brown, The Last Kinection, U2, Jack Johnson, Tupac Shakur, and Dead Prez, require clinched fists in the air, and give you a strong heart. It's music made, that will not only make you strong, but change your thoughts and beliefs....

Music makes me happy... Motown, The Temptations, Aretha Franklin, The Supremes. Timeless music that can reach people beyond its age demographic. It warms you, and fills you with joy. It's a guarantee that when I'm feeling down and need to smile, these types of artists and their music will always put a smile on my face...


One of my biggest musical influences has always been and always will be, Bob Marley and the Wailers.... Nothing needs to be said about how good they are, all that needs to be said is 'respect'.... So many songs that bring millions around the world closer. A perfect example of this was when I was sitting in Brisbane Entertainment centre with a good friend of mine, 'Avelina Tarrago' waiting to hear the flawless artists that is 'Alicia Keys' to perform. The crowd began to grow restless and then the sound guys dropped, Bob Marleys 'Three Little Birds' track, and every person in the stadium, of every colour, nationality and age starting singing the lyrics together... It was truely amazing and shows how strong music is... He was without a doubt, one of the most powerful men in the world, and I am grateful for his music everyday...

With so much turmoil and destruction in the world. With wars, deaths, poverty and injustice, Music is there... Music is there for the hopeless, for the rich, the poor, the inspired, the brave, the happy and the sad... It's a piece of our world we all share in some shape or form and something that will outlast humanity and beyond.... With that in mind, I'll leave you with this quote:

"Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music”

One Love, One Life....

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

To Maroubra and Beyond!!!


3Ltrs of Peach Ice Tea and Vodka, $100 on cab rides in one night, sore feet, and Acoustic jam sessions at 2am..... WOW, just another weekend in Sydney...

First of all, I have to give Kudo's to a beautiful location that is Maroubra Beach... Being a country girl, the only thing I've ever remotely known of Maroubra beach is that it has 'Bra Boys'... For those that don't know what a Bra Boy is, check out the video posted on this blog for more info...

So slightly hung over from the 3Ltrs of Peach Ice Tea and Vodka, a bad night of clubbing, ratty hair and smokey mascara eyes, I jumped on the 376 bus on a Sunday morning with my girl Kodie Bedford for my first trip out to one of Sydney's southern beaches, Maroubra Beach... At the Pavilion Cafe sat three black women, One in TV (Kodie), one in Radio (me) and one in Print Media (The Fabulous Anita Heiss), overlooking a magnificant view of sand, surf and 6 packs (and a few old men in budgie smugglers, not so magnificant)....

Scrambled eggs with wild mushrooms, and a cappuccino later, I couldn't help but take in the view and company and think, life is great (dispite this hangover)... Considering the shitty night of clubbing I had the night before, my trip out to Maroubra Beach was just what I needed to restore my faith in Sydney.... Oh and in case your wondering, I did see three genuine bra boys, and yes, I probably will marry one.... HOT DIGGITY DAYUM!!!

A quick shout out to the community of La Perouse... I'd heard so many stories and have met a few good looking sorts from there (LOL), I was grateful to finally take a short and well lived visit to the township. I envy all those black fullas who have million dollar views on a housing commission budget... Truely a breath taking place, rich in cultural history. Thank you to our hilerious sister Anita for being our deadly tour guide.

8 months into living in Sydney and I still have daily adventures.... My next adventure will be the Koori Knockout Carnival on October long weekend... Stay tuned for more details ;) Until next time, 'Thats how we do in the desert' (Bra Boys movie quote lol)...

One Love, One Life....

Friday, September 3, 2010

Welcome To The Good Life....




Tuesday, November 30th 2010....This is the date I graduate from my graduate diploma of radio course from the Australian Film Television and Radio school....

With just over two months left of my course to go, I can't believe how fast the time has gone... Feels like only yesterday that I boarded a plane with my life in one suitcase on valentines day this year, and headed for the bright lights of Sydney....

This year hasn't been the easiest of years... Being the first and only Indigenous student the school has ever had study at a full time level in the radio department since the schools operation from the 70's, it's fair to say that I've definately felt the pressure... The pressure to succeed and set a precendent for other potential black broadcasters who may want to enter the radio course in the future... Trying to keep my head above water with study and home life, as well as maintaining my character and cultural identity has been the biggest challenges so far...

Since my arrival in Sydney, I've lived with a drunken black man who struggled with identity, alcholic and drug related issues in housing commission in the most notorious suburb in Sydney; Kings Cross... I walked past prostitutes on my way home from night class, drug dealers and homeless people... Talk about being thrown in the deep end of city living... That situation didn't work out, and from there I move and currently reside at a black hostel in the inner west of sydney, renting a room for $187 a week that has a single bed, a desk and a closet in it... It's not much, but it's home....

Trying to adjust to a, let's not lie about it, predominantly white school (theres only 7 indigenous students in the school) while dealing with an uneasy and distruptive home life for most part of the year has been hard, but with only a few months left, I reflect on my life in the past few months and I smile....

Giving up everything I've known to take a chance at the big city is the stuff people dream of doing, and I'm lucky enough to be living it...

I recently took a trip on the iconic Manly ferry and on my way back into Sydney harbour, with light rain falling on my face and a freezing cold wind cutting though me, I looked out to the beautiful quiet city skyline, and realise that life is perfect.... I've never felt so fullfilled and so absorbed with happiness....

With an uncertain future, I'm soaking up every minute and every experience of my Sydney life, because the reality is, things will change in the next few months... My life is about to change and Sydney and everything I'm loving right now, could soon become a distant memory... I just hope that the ride lasts a bit longer... Whatever the universe throws at me after study, I know it will be for a reason and I will embrace it with fear, excitement, contentment, faith and optimism like I do with everything else.... Here's to new beginnings and hopefully more happy days...

Until next time....

One Love, One Life.... X

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Fall at your feet....


One of the truest quotes on the planet would have to be 'We always want what we can't have'....

Temptation: Its a killer.... What is it about something that we can't have that makes us want it more?? Now me being me, I've been observing again... Yes, I will say that this blog is a little about me, but in general it's an all round result of conversations I've had lately with numerous friends dealing with 'old flames'...

'Lets give it another try'? What am I refering too? Exes of course... Now I myself am not a fan of giving out second chances... If I've been with a person and they do me wrong, generally I will leave and never come back, but thats just me... But... There HAVE Been instances where you get the urge to.. Lets say... 'See how that person is, or... 'I wonder'.. or 'What if'....? These are the questions that trick our minds into believing that something may still be there between you and an old flame.... Don't get me wrong though, in some instances it could work out, but the question you gotta ask yourself if your planning on having another 'chop', is, 'what if it DOESN'T work out, would you really wanna go through it all again????

What chemical imbalance goes on in our heads that we as people will always feel the temptation to run back to the things we know instead of moving on? I guess it's human nature to find security in the ones that we're most comfortable with, but at what cost? Do we really think that they're aren't others out there for us, and that we can't do any better, or does is simply come back to 'we miss having that person in our lives'....?

Saying goodbye is never an easy thing, I think thats why alot of us still have hope for the usually hopeless... The thing is, when you remember all the good times you had with that person and start to wonder if it could ever be again, you also must remember the bad, and why it went wrong in the first place... All those feelings of sadness and anger that usually come from a break up, should eliminate any desire you had to 'give it another go'...

Now I don't want to crush all the lovers out there, or the ones that have any ounce of romance in them, but in my experience, people will always come and go in your life... Everyone we meet comes into our lives for a reason and leaves for another, it's about accepting that all good things must come to an end, and if it's meant to be, then it will be...

Until then, drink laugh and grow, and if possible, pash a random the next time you're out, I guarantee it will make you feel a little better about moving on :)



One Love, One Life.... X

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

'Don't Be Shame, Be Game'



Another day, another topic.... This one is a lil close to home and a little personal, but I feel it's important to touch on...

'Self Esteem'...

I'm a country girl with a humble upbringing... A murri girl born and bred on farming lands on The Atherton Tablelands in Far North Queensland. My mum is an aboriginal woman and my dad a scotsman who immigrated from the highlands of Glasgow on the other side of the world. Together they formed me and our family lived a life of simple pleasures on very little money.

The first years of my childhood consisted of growing up on a dairy farm (not owned by us) with my cousins who lived in the house infront of us. We'd play backyard footy, go to the creek, go bike riding and if we were lucky, play 'Mortal Combat' on the nintendo 64... All in all, I had a pretty good up bringing compared to others.

Those that know me now, find it hard to believe that I actually suffered from depression and lacked in self confidence in my teenage years... I didn't like going out in public, going shopping or meeting new people. I hated school, I wasn't smart and I hated the town I lived in. I was shy and the most disappointing part was I hated myself. Being a shy black girl growing up in the country disabled me from being proud and happy all through out my teens...

I soon went on to leave the Tablelands, leave high school and start working in the industry of radio, but not after years of self hate and self doubt... My career in radio is one I see as a life saver... Out of all the industries to work in, I chose the one which would require me to come out of my shell and expose myself to thousands across the airwaves. I love the radio industry because I love music and talking, but I also love it because it pushes me to my limits and enables me to grow and develop confidence everyday.

I still suffer from shyness every now and then, but to most, I'm a pretty out going person who now loves to meet people, party and live my life. To some, I'm an over confident loud chick who loves herself, and to a point it's true. In my experience, I have learnt that you need to love yourself, and you need to trust in your decisions and be yourself 100%, regardless of what anyone else thinks of you.

One of the biggest issues plaguing our Indigenous youth I believe, is a lack of self confidence and a lack of self belief... I've given talks and visited communities and schools, and everytime, I meet and observe kids that are just like how I used to be... 'SHAME'... The word 'Shame' to our mob is so disabling, that it stops us from reaching our full potentials.

It's okay to have a little self doubt every now and then, because once we get over it and achieve what we want to achieve, it all makes us stronger in the long run, but for those that can't see a future for themselves because they are too shame to go after their dreams, or too shame to talk to someone when they're going through a hard time, they are usually the ones we read about in the 'death section' of our newspapers. It's harsh and it's confronting, but from experience, I know this is the cold hard truth. Our teenagers are dying too young, because others are too busy telling them they can't and won't amount to anything and they are believing it.

I have a 12 year brother who will be hitting his teenage years in less than 4 months time. I am the way I am because I want to show him that his life is worth as much as the next persons and that he too can achieve big things, even if he thinks he can't.

At the age of 25, I don't apologise for any self confidence I may have, because the things I have been through and the things I have done in my life have made me into the woman I am today and it's taken me a long time to develope it all... I have no regrets... The old me drives the new me to succeed and hopefully set a good example for the children in my family and wider community who want to overcome 'shame' and live their lives to their full potentials...

Until next time... Be strong, be proud and be deadly....


One Love, One Life.... X

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Only 'Love' can be both heaven and hell'....



Lets talk about a thing called 'Love'...


Now lets be honest, for anyone that knows me, you would know that I'm not the Girliest of Girls.. Sure I like men, I like to wear dresses, love high heels and the colour pink, but I also don't have a problem drinking beer, beltching when needed, forgetting mens names, and screaming at a TV While watching footy.... Point being: I never ever thought a girl like me would experience this thing called 'love'.

My belief in love was that it was for suckers, for people who are weak. For those who let someone of the opposite sex into their hearts, minds and inevitably bodies (thats a whole other topic, that I will no doubt touch on another time... No pun intended... Okay, maybe a lil bit of a pun intended...).... Love to me was something of a myth... Not reachable and only stuff you saw in movies like 'The Notebook'.. Right.... Wrong!

So flash forward a few years... At the age of 24, I felt for the first time what love is... Its the feeling of undescribable joy that one human being can give to another. The feeling of wanting someone so much that you would do anything for them. A feeling that is better than any drug or alcohol I've touched or tasted. Love that can concure any ill feeling or negativity. The effects that come from love are blinding and its like no one or nothing else exists. Its your first and last thought when you wake up and go to sleep at night.... In all, love is so undescribable that when you feel it, it changes who you are as a person and for me, changed who I am as a woman.

Now I know at this point you're probably starting to feel ill, no one likes a love sick chick right.. Yer I know this, but let me balance this out but telling you the negatives. Yes I felt what it is to love, but I also felt the downside and what its like to fall out of love...

The term 'Heartbroken' couldn't be any more true. I personally believe there should be some sort of sick leave off work/study JUST For having a broken heart. The feeling of rejection and sorrow are unbareable and bring you to your lowest point as an individual when felt. The effects one human can have on another are devestating. The feeling of loneliness and loss are close by with the feelings of losing a loved one to death, to the point that you have no more tears to cry and your heart literally hurts...

In the past few years, I have had both the highs and lows of this thing called love... I think to a point, once you love someone, you will always love them no matter what you may go through or how far you may drift apart. Love is the purest form of emotion you can feel as a human and if you get the chance to experience it, I wish you nothing but luck. This emotion that sets millions of hearts on fire around the world is unmeasurable, and I envy anyone who gets it right.

For me... Well I'll never forget my first love. He made me; an unemotional, outspoken, footy loving, hard tom boy type chick, into someone who actually gave a damn about someone of the opposite sex. He made me into a softer person. He showed me what it is to care and to feel those feelings, even though they were all in vain, they were feelings that I don't regret having and that I'll always be grateful for... As they say, "Its better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all"....

Now lies the question: "Is there anyone else out there strong enough to heal a broken heart enough for it to love again?"....

I guess only time will tell..... Until then...



One Love, One Life....

Monday, July 5, 2010


I've always been pretty independant, a bit of a 'ride solo' kinda person. In fact, up until this year, I think I may have had a bit of a people phobia because I was so used to doing things myself, and enjoyed my own company...Basically being around people kinda freaked me out... I'm also not the type of person to rely on anyone when it comes to anything.. I usually think I can handle it myself, and usually can, until the last few months...

I just turned 25 this year and honestly believe I am a different person to what I was this time last year. Moving to the city helped, but being so far away from all of my creature comforts, I've developed a new mind set on what it is to live...

It's so true when they say life is a rollarcoaster... Some times the ride is good and that carefree feeling takes over you and you feel like life is going great. Then there are times when you feel like the ride operator is purposely speeding up the rollarcoaster, just to mess with you, and you need to get off ASAP...

The 'I wanna get off the ride of life' moments that I've experienced this year, have shown me that when you're down and out, only your true friends will come through for you... The ones that will waste their credit to call you, just to see how you are. The ones that will convince you that you are doing the right thing and to stay on track. The ones who fill your heart, mind and soul with such joy that you look at your self doubt and think, 'what the f**k was I thinking'?....

People who do such things are the ones that will be there for you when no one else will... In times when the people who you think are the realest, turn out to be the fakest, you will be forced to sort through the pretenders from the keepers....

I am blessed to have such good friends that no matter what I am going through, I know they will be there for me... It's these friends that I literally would do anything for.... We can always forget what someone says to us, but we will never forget how someone makes us feel... My group of hand picked friends are not of quantity, but of quality, and I deeply appreciate the lengths they go to to help guide me through the hard times I experience in life...


Riding solo and being independant is good until a certain point, but to accept a hand up, a piece of advice and some hard stern talking too from someone who cares about you in this big bad world, is what I have found makes a good friendship...

To those who let me winge, moan, bitch, listen to my self doubt, and STILL talk to me after all the ear bashing I do to you, just know that I am forever in your debt... I believe 'Loyalty' is one of my biggest qualities, and often my downfall, but without you all, I wouldnt be half the person I am today...

So buckle up and enjoy the ride with the friends you make in this world... Share every moment of sadness, laughter and love with them, because you never know whats around the next bend of the rollarcoaster in this thing we call life.......



Until next time...

One Love, One Life.... X

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Lets Talk Racism!


If you are opening this link in hopes of one of my feel good, crazy, random blogs, then you may want to click exit now... If you want something that will challenge your thoughts and perceptions, then read on....

RACISM..........

"Racism is the belief that race is a primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race"....

In the past two weeks, the issue of racism has been a hot topic for Individuals and communities around the nation when NSW Rugby League player Timana Tahu shocked the Australian public when he walked out of the Blues camp, after racist comments were made by trainer and rugby league legend, 'Andrew Johns' after he called Queensland player 'Greg Inglis', a 'Black c**t'...

Now those that know me, know that I was a staunch blues supporter and an Andrew John's fan (no longer) so you can imagine my devastation when I had heard of the allegations... Not only am I a footy fan, but I am a very opinionated and passionate black woman on black issues... Combine all of those traits and you get one hurt and confused indigenous footy loving woman.

So what does it feel like to be racially discriminated against?? As a proud murri woman from North Queensland, I myself have had numerous run in's with more often than not, Non Indigenous people who have called me 'black this, and black that, you name it, I've heard it'... The sickening thing is, Racism can come in any form and can be directed at any one individual of any colour, not just black. Those who have experienced it first hand will know the feelings of hurt that comes along with someone judging on you on your skin colour or race.

Since the allegations by Johns were made public by Tahu, some people seemed to be shocked, and others, not so much. The thing I find about news stories like these, is the amount of debating one has to do with those less educated individuals when racism rears it's ugly head.

Now I don't mind a good debate, infact some would say that I love one, but the discussions I have had on this issue with friends; the people in my life who I thought were educated, smart, worldly people, have been nothing short of unbelieveable. Questions have been posed to me like, 'what was so offensive abouts John's comments, was it the 'c**t bit of the black bit'?? Right... At this point, I think to myself,

A) Is this person for real?

B) How dumb are they?

C) And what year are we in?

What year are we in when someone cannot see why using the term 'Black C**t' is just plain right unacceptable? Is our society still that far behind that we don't see why its wrong? My answer to that question in case you were wondering...

"If you can't see why its wrong, than thats a reflection on you and your small minded character'...

Racism comes back to a lack of education for all of Australian society, and not having an understanding of real Australian History. A history of attempted genocide on the first inhabitants of the country, massacres, whipping out of complete tribes, languages, cultural life, mis placement, the raping of aboriginal women, slavery, stolen children, introduced substances, stolen land and inevitably a country built on lies and illegal practices... A Country we know today as Australia.

Take a minute to process all of that, now fast forward to the year 2010. After all those monstrosities done to a race of people, do you think that a statement such as 'Black C**t' is going to be seen as 'acceptable' to them? HELL NO!! If you answered yes to that question then you might as well stop reading now, go back to doing whatever hick thing you were doing before you opened this link, delete my phone number, delete me off facebook and out of your life, because anyone who thinks that it is OKAY, Is not welcome in my life!

Now some people would say, 'But it's you're job as an Indigenous woman to educate non indigenous people on why it's wrong'... Okay, yes, in a way that's true. Every Indigenous person should speak up on issues that affect their people, but these bigotry comments steam back to a lack of education, and to tell you the truth, I am sick of educating people on black issues everytime something arises.

My people, the Indigenous people, have had to learn non indigenous ways of life since the start of colonisation, so why is it that we have to constantly learn the white ways and yet some non Indigenous people still feel they don't have to learn black ways? Constantly saying the same thing over and over to a bunch of people who have no understanding, is quite honestly getting tiring.

I believe it's time for individuals in society, whether they are black, white, pink or purple to start educating themselves, so when Indigenous Issues do arise, they have half a leg to stand on in a debate, instead of me just shaking my head and not bothering with them... And don't get me wrong, me not bothering isn't me having no answers, but instead just sick to the guts of ignorant people!

I will always be a woman passionate about her culture and her people. It's who I am. Aboriginality isn't a choice or a life style, it's something that is unexplainable. It's who you are. A connection to country, to people, to culture and living a way of life that most Non Indigenous Australians would never understand.

At the end of the day, black and white issues will always come up from time to time. Racism will probably never be stamped out. People will always be uneducated, stubborn and carry hate in their hearts for a race of people they clearly have no understanding of. Although Aboriginal people will always experience racism, we will still take the knocks, get back up, dust ourselves off and live to see another day.


Timana Tahu's stance has publicly bought the racism Indigenous people have felt all their lives, out into the open. All we can hope from it, is a switch in attitudes and perceptions towards Indigenous people, and hope change will come, both on and off the field. Once respect is established in a mixed society like ours, we then can grow and lead as the shared nation we are for the benefits of future generations.

One Love, One Life....

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I'm not Bi, Im Try... I'll try anything :)


Today started off like any other day for a 25 year old media student... Awake at 1pm, coffee, a glance over assignments, and then facebook.. Nothing out of the norm, just another day right? WRONG!

Thursday June the 24th 2010... I and the rest of the Nation woke up to the news of a new prime minister, various news headlines, weather patterns, some sort of workload, and a gay best friend who decided he would sleep with a girl last night instead of a guy.... Oh, that last bit didn't happen to you this morning? Oh, okay, must of just been me...


I grew up in a house hold where ones heritage, colour and sexuality of a person isn't seen as an issue... About 70% (please note, this is a rough made up percentage, when it probably is a lil higher) of my closest friends are gay or bisexual. The funny thing is when my best friend rang to tell me this morning that he'd hooked up with a girl last night, I was SHOCKED... Up until this point, I've shared 'what about that hot guy' stories with him, compared sizes of men, you name it, what a gay best friends for, to me he's gay and he can't like women can he?? I know there is the term 'bisexual', but he hadn't been with a girl since he was well.. errrr experimenting at a young age... Too much information? Yeah, thats what I tell him on a daily basis :)

But what is it about our generation, that we think we can do whatever and whoever we want, when we want... I personally love that we feel comfortable enough in society to be whoever we want to be, unlike previous years...

Now every 'straight guy' reading this blog would probably be hating me talking about this, but suck it up you prudes, sex is sex... My boy is probably one of the luckiest bastards on the planet this morning, having the best of both worlds, probably enough to make any 'straight guy' jealous... Good on him I say...

To my boy reading this. You gave me a slight heart attack this morning, but at the end of the day, I thank the heavens that you are in my life... Without our crazy shannigans, my life would be very boring.. Never change... I love you just the way you are, now and forever...

P.S Just because she was a female, it doesnt mean I want to be left out on details. CALL ME :)

One Love, One Life....

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Accept Or Ignore This Friendship?



FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, BEBO are what we all know as 'Social Networking Sites'... Linking our friendships online in the cyber world... But are they a gift or a burdon?? This is the question I ask myself, as I delete another 'friend' off my facebook...

Okay, I'm not going to lie... I love facebook... Some would say I'm... Ummmm, what's the word I'm looking for.. Ummmm.... ADDICTED?? Yes, correct... I first started using facebook in the year 2006... Over the years, I have grown to love this social networking site, sometimes a little too much...

It got me thinking the other day... Remember just a few years ago, when we would meet someone face to face, often in a club, or through friends. From there, the friendship would develope by 'catching up', or 'lets do lunch, or have a drink'... As the weeks would progress, you would get to know that person, then make the decision if you want to keep them in your life, or simply 'delete them'...

One of the problems with society today, is that we're forced to be friends with someone simply because they 'friend requested you' on a social networking site'... There, I said it... Sure alot of people can say 'Ignore', but then are faced with the akward silence the next time you see that person in real life...

Next problem: What is the protocol on adding someone you maybe interested in romantically?? Does it speed up the 'getting to know you process' or does it in fact do more damage, having them know all about you and your daily activities?

We add random people onto our friends list in order to 'keep the peace', to be nice and play nice', but when it comes to our real lives and social circle, we should ask ourselves, 'would we really be friends with that person and want them knowing all of that information'??

Ohhhh and another thing.. This is where it gets complicated... Back in the day (only 5 years ago), before facebook, we each had the power to brush someone out of our lives. If we didn't want that person to find us, then we'd simply stay away from them, or pretend that we were busy when we'd see them in the street.. Now all they have to do is simply punch in our names and they know instantly that we have this many siblings, we 'like' this particular topic, and have joined groups of 'this' description...

Of course there are ways that you can eliminate people off your facebook.. Deleting them would be a start, but have you ever discovered the block button after you delete them? Take it from an expert who has a block list that goes for days, just deleting someone off facebook isn't enough anymore.... Why is this? Once a person discovers they have been deleted off someones page, It can cause them to be slightly... Ummmm how would you put it? Hurt...?? Riggghhhttt....

For all those first time users who are scared to hurt someones feelings by deleting them off your facebook page, all because you would rather save the hassel of a bitter twisted 'why don't you like me anymore' message from someone on your list that never spoke to you or engaged in any conversation on chat with you, then I'd suggest that 'the block button' becomes your new friend...

As fun as they are, Social networking sites often cause more damage than good... In saying that, I love facebook sometimes, and really can't remember what social life was like before our minds got taken over by a simple mini feed and profile... Sad I know...

Reality is, we all love to add a new friend and catch up with mates in the cyber world from the comforts of our own home, but when it comes to deleting an indivdual, we are all guilty of hesitating for a moment and thinking what kind of affects it will have on our real lives outside of the computer screen if we were to see that person again (don't pretend like you don't)....

It all sounds so simple.. It's just a networking site right? That person can never actually catch up with me in real life, and they won't care..... Will they? I say go forward with the deleting, Block them and move on... It's the cyber world, they'll make new friends and eventually they'll forget about you...

So after one too many cyber stalkers and a few angry private messages since the start of the year, I feel it's time to do another clean out of my facebook friends list... Oh and if you're on my friends list and reading this, then you've obviously made the cut.... Until we next chat (probably online)....


One Love, One Life....

Friday, May 14, 2010

Breaking Down Brick Walls


Brick walls.... They come in many shapes and forms... For one, they have bricks, red, white, concrete or emotional... Oh wait, what did she just say??... Yes, I said 'EMOTIONAL BRICK WALLS'... They are the walls I have found to be the most dangerous when you run into them... They have a way of distroying your self esteem and self belief when you feel you can't get over the top of them...

Today I am not ashamed to say I hit a major brick wall. The pressures of study are unbelieveable. And yes I am aware that their are millions around the world experiencing the same, if not worst hardships as I, but today, I let my guard down and just crumbled under the pressure....

I first need to explain that in December 2009, I made the concious decision, a long thought out decision to resign from the one job I had ever known how to do and do well, and put my life in the hands of fate.... I didn't have a plan... My plan was to resign and get the f*ck out of Townsville and start livng instead of existing, that was my plan. I Figured the rest would sort itself out...

2009 was a hard year for me, with many highs and lows... The biggest high was being nominated for a 'Deadly Award' and making it to the top 4 Indigenous Radio Announcers in the country... Although I didn't win, this one single nomination would change my life as we know it....

I knew my time in Indigenous broadcasting was up... I couldn't grow anymore and had achieved everything I possibly could. Even though I loved my job and loved my lifestyle (A life syle that consisted of a weekly paycheck, holidays every few months, my own flat and my own space) it wasn't enough for me anymore, I just wasn't happy... But in October 2009, I decided that money cant buy happiness... Short trips here and there weren't enough to put a smile on my face forever and eventually I would end up feeling the same old bitter twisted feelings of being trapped in a city I hated, all for the sake of making money...Instead of wasting another year of my life doing the same old thing, I simply decided to give it all up and resign...

Back to the thing I said earlier about fate... The week I was finishing up from my job, I got a phone call out of the blue from the top media school in the country, 'The Australian Film Television and Radio School, aka 'AFTRS', informing me that they had recieved my number from a friend in the Industry who had refered me to them... To cut a long story short, they asked me to apply for the 'Graduate Diploma In Radio' course and gave me 24 hours to do so....

I filled out my 6 hour application which included full essays, demo tapes and letters of reference and sent it off to Sydney... A few hours later, my life changed when they called me to tell me that I was one out of 10 students in the country to be picked to study Radio at the highest level, ALL on the week of my resignment... 3 months later, my whole life changed.... I moved thousands of Kilometres to study with a group of people I didn't know with no family, no home, no friends, and no money, to take on what is the biggest challange I have ever faced...

From the life style of a paid Radio Broadcaster to broke student. This week, I have had tooth aches, an empty bank account and a stressed out mind, to the point that today, I almost walked away. I seriously thought about giving it all up... Why am I writing this blog right now?? Not to big note... Not to make me look I'm the smartest and brightest person who got into this mega school that can secure you a career for life once you go through it, but to simply remind myself that I have come so far and that things have a way of sorting themselves out.... To stay focused and believe in my own abilities is something I need to do more than ever...

We will all encounter emotional brick walls at many times in our lives.. The times when we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders and you're life, and everything in it, has come to shit... I'm independant, always have been, always will be, but I relise that in the city, you need friends, you need to trust people and ask for help, because without it, those emotional brick walls will get the better of you, and just grow higher and higher the longer you keep it all in...

My goal for the next month, is just to survive... In case you were wondering what I'm going to do about the brick wall that's in my life right now... Well I'm working on that... A good friend, 'Kyran Weatley' has told me I have to take the wall down, one brick at a time.... I am in Sydney for a reason and aren't leaving until I have achieved everything I set out to achieve... If I fail, I fail, at least I can say I failed trying... For those that are in the same boat when it comes to hard times, I hope you draw inspiration out of this quote like I have today....

"No one has written your destiny for you... Your destiny is in your hands, don't you forget that"- BARACK OBAMA

Note to self: 'Situations are only ever temporary'... Here's to hopefully brighter days ahead and breaking down walls....


One Love, One Life....

Friday, May 7, 2010

Singledom Protocol




SOOOOO.. Heres another relationship meltdown blog for you all... Now, I can honestly say that I haven't had a 'relationship' for a very long time, due to the fact that I was stuck in a shitty town with limited good male options... *COUGH, Townsville COUGH*... I CHOSE To remain single BECAUSE I had high standards... Why settle with some drop kick who will cheat on you, have no goals, and want to get you pregnant just so you can fit in with the rest of so called 'society and it's ways'... HHMMMM No thanks...

I never really felt like I belonged in a small town like Townsville... I would say that 90% of my friends in the North had children or were having children and were tied up with some guy and settled down... Not to say that that is a bad thing, but me on the other hand, I was 24, single, making money and had no desire to settle down with just anyone just because it was the 'done thing'...

Then I moved to Sydney, where life is fast, money is vast and the men are hot and good to go... So it's got me posing this question... If you've met a guy/girl, you hang out a bit, you both seem to like each other, but at the sametime, you both haven't discussed the idea of a relationship, is it then okay for you to 'see' someone else if the offer comes along? Are there rules for what you can and can't do while your single? I mean, hey, last I checked, I don't have a ring on my finger and aren't officially in a relationship with anyone, so should I be allowed to see someone else if the offer did come up??

For too long, woman especially have been victim to the 'Maybe I'll hold off on this other guy who's interested in me, just to see what happens with him and I', and more often then not, let someone who is good for them slip by.... Well I say those days are over.. Those days of waiting for a guy to get his shit together, all the while he gets to see other people, are OVER!! Reality check... It's the 21st century and sorry to tell you fellas, but us women have worked out your game and we're gonna use it against you, whether you like it or not ...

Now that may all seem harsh, call me a woman so heartless, but at this current moment, I have had debates with several friends who themselves are going through this exact situation... All I am sayin is, until you have that 'conversation' with the opposite sex about 'what is going on with the both of you', then we as single people should be allowed to do whatever we want and 'see' whoever we want in the mean time... Agree or disagree?

Life is there for living... People hold back because they're scared of getting their heart broken... I myself have been guilty of doing this a few times.... With millions of people in the world, it would be silly not to keep your options open. Yer the love game is a risky one, but our hearts are meant to sing to the tune of more than one person, our hearts are fragile and will be broken at times, and shit when it gets broken it hurts like hell, but our hearts are also strong and will heal in time...

If there are rules for the single person, I have no doubt broken them over the years, but heres my outlook: We only live once, so If someone else comes along, take the chance.. Don't put your life on hold for that 'someone', because chances are, they aren't doing the same for you...

One Love, One Life....

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Secret Spot...



Sydney... Sunny and hot one day, raining and cold the next... I am loving this weather at the moment, my hair; Not so much... On another note, my love for this city that never sleeps continues... In the past week, I've been exploring yet again. This time, I have found a secret spot, to which I now claim as 'My Spot'...

Picture this... It's a Monday night in May, the skys are clear and the wind is crisp... My friend and I sit on a bench and hear the water of sydney harbour splashing under the wooden dock below us... As we look out infront of us, the city of Sydney and its tall buildings fully light up the sky... To our right, the Sydney Harbour Bridge stands in full glory like something off a post card, with the distant sound of traffic and trains heading over it to get to the north shore... A quiet 5 star restaurant is the closest thing to chatter I hear, as we look to the left to see a deep red moon slowly rising beside the iconic Sydney Opera House...

The inner city of Sydney itself has 177,000 people living in it, and as I eat my Mc Donalds chicken ceaser wrap and watch the ferry to Manly float by, I take in the sights and sounds of this magnificant city and wonder where all the people are? I take a sip of my fanta and can't help but notice that this maybe the best view I've ever had for the price of a Maccas meal....

Sydney, a multicultural city of notorious stories, bad traffic, shopping and high end money earners... As I live day by day in this, the city of sin, I can truely say that beneath all of it's harsh exterior, I have fallen in love with this city and all of it's inner beauty... My only regret is that it's taken me so long to get here and appreciate every part that it has to offer... I'm off to discover more secret spots... Until next time....

'One Love, One Life....

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Big City Love...




So I've been living in Sydney now for just over 3 months... I HATED It to begin with, but after a few weeks, I feel I've settled in and taken on the city lifestyle... This has been made possible by the help of new friends, new surroundings, different events everyday and a new love of beer... Yes beer... Before moving here, i would never even thought of drinking a beer.... I Was a straight up Alize girl.... Goes to show what a fortnightly centrelink payment will do to your taste of the finer things in life...

I have to say though, my new found love of the city would not be possible without the generous friendships of a few people... My new friends are made up of both black and white individuals from all walks of life, from all backgrounds, from small towns, large towns and of all professions... Drinks at the local, wet pussy shots, Shopping, penthouse suits at the meriton apartment, Irish bars, norton street, acer arena, Tony mundine hostel, prawn thursday tradition, matisyahu, football games and car trips, all make up what is my new love of the city we call Sydney... Looking forward to adding to that list over the next few months...

Until then...


One Love, One Life....

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Dating for the 21st Century...




So the dating game if you didn't know, is not what it used to be.. If your my age (25) or older, single, successful, confident and independant, it seems you aren't seen as relationship material... Now I'm not an expert on the dating game, clearly, but i pose this question... what exactly do relationships mean in the 21st century? ... It seems like they're dying out and don't even exist anymore... Even if people are in relationships, it doesnt seem to matter when it comes to remaining faithful... How do i know this? Lets just say I've had my fair share of experiences when it comes to those with a wondering eye.... After all the inside info of a mans point of view, as a woman, you start to get a little sceptical of so called 'relationships'....

I personally don't feel like i am the relationship type... Dont get me wrong, i like affection and spooning like the next female, but I am yet to find a guy who is real about life and knows what it takes to be in a faithful committed relationship..

I left North Queensland in hopes that matters of the heart and meeting people would all get easier (i can hear all the city people choking on their morning breakfast right now)... I'm not wishing for a relationship and aren't even sure I want one, im just saying that 'hey maybe, moving to the big city, who knows, more options, different faces, different places to meet people, but thats half the problem... Theres TOO MANY Options....

Sydney so far has dished up to me, guys who are already in relationships, but dont mind flirting and trying to cross the line, Gay men, and Sleezy randoms in bars (usually bouncers).... So my point is.... Does anyone 'date' anymore, or is it free for all....?? Do we have it easier in the city then in the country or is it even in terms of meeting people'??? Do we settle for a good time with someone and not a long time?

Until all of that is answered, I'm happy to remain single... If anyone needs me, I'll be at the bar...


One Love, One Life....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Being a new Blogger Sheep



So due to a lesson last night on 'Online Blogging and Online Content with my 'Graduate Diploma of radio class', I've decided i would jump of the 'Blogging Bandwagon' and give it a go...

According to my friends, i spend way too much time online as it is with 'Facebook', but hey, if its for the purposes of 'your job in media', as my lecturer 'Mel' said last night, then get ready for an unslaught of meaningless words from yours truely....

Just joking, hoping to give everyone a sense of my new life here in Sydney...I know you want to know.... Until something random happens in my life (probably tonight)...



One Love, One Life....